I always knew I would become a Widow. From the moment I understood his illness. You see, we were rare. We were a honest to God, love at first sight, match made in heaven. There were so many leading factors up to the night we met, that there would be no way in hell we wouldn't meet. I learned of his illness the next day. I had never heard of Cystic Fibrosis so I researched and researched to find out as to why it was such a big deal for me to know. A week later I recall standing from my computer, turning to face my bed, then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Even knocking the breath out of me. I already loved him and then and there I knew, he'd be my "Happily Ever After."
We had one amazing love story. One with extreme highs and extreme lows. But poo poo on those who attempted to break us up. You made us stronger. You made us a couple most were envious of because nothing was going to bring us down. We were just going to love harder and show it off even more. We both LOVED our love story and never took it for granted. In the 15 years we were together we lived in 3 different cities, had 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 birds (a hamster and a fish), 2 homes and one amazingly beautiful child together. For 14 of these years we lived, actually lived, making memory after memory so that neither myself nor our child would ever forget him. His last year, the 15th year, he fought so hard to stay with us. I was by his side, living in the hospitals with him. Continuing to make beautiful memories. The last day he never woke up cognitively. He was a DNR and I had to make that horribly tough decision to not put him on any life saving machine. Through out the day I would on and off lay with him, holding his hand, as family came in and out of the room. Our sweet daughter fell asleep next to him. I was hit again, with that oh so familiar feeling of knowledge, even knocking the breath out of me, to remove her from his side. So he would not pass with her next to him. I immediately crawled in his bed to hold him and fall asleep next to him, one last time. Moments after I was next to him, I heard and felt his last breath. Even before I heard the monotone sound of the heart machine flat lining, I knew and cried out his name. My Baby had finally let go and went on to a much better place, his rightful place in Heaven. The months following were more difficult than I could have ever ever imagined. I don't care that I knew. There is no way in hell to prepare oneself to lose their best friend, their partner in crime, their lover, their baby daddy, their happily ever after.
