Tough Love

 People always told me teenage girls are hard, but Dear Lord!  My rebutal to those who say "I told you so" is, Social Media is making it much much harder!  Peer pressure is so much more than a Bitch when kids post about everything they do and don't do.  Then they'll post about others' doing or not doing things.  To keep up in this world is hard enough as a grown ass woman, but for a teen, OUCH!  My daughter, like many, have fallen prey to it.  She was bullied at school and convinced to be someone she's not.  The culprits would not just say it behind her back, but post about it and text her over and over again.  

She was once this strong, outgoing, talented, idiot savant.  She lost that for a few years and every time I see a glimpse of her coming back, she's gone again.  Once the straight A popular girl has been an in-patient and out patient in a psychiatric hospital, quit the game of soccer in which she LOVED so much, been to alternative school for smoking pot in the bathroom, sliced her arm up and down, moved to a different school only to be homeschooled now.  After fighting for her and being there for her every second of the day, She's finally an average 16 year old girl.  She's being homeschooled, HOW HARD IS IT TO COMPLETE YOUR WORK!  She's doing online driver's ed, seriously, WHY CAN'T SHE FINISH, she might get to drive once she does!  I have found more vapes than I can count in her room including a couple weed vapes (where is she getting these!).  I'm proud of myself for not only have I still not yelled at her at the top of my lungs, I haven't hit her yet either, haha.  Just as a disclaimer, I would never ever hit my child, EVER.  She doesn't care if her phone is taken away, if I've locked up her wallet (and keys to her truck that she snuck out), that she can't go outside, or has to sit at her computer to do work with me staring at her.  She use to have the opportunity to use my MacBook anywhere around the house, not no more!  

I've turned a new leaf, tough love with no ifs ands or buts.  She is to be at her computer from 9-4pm everyday, no more MacBook, with only a lunch break and ONE SHIT BREAK!  Her phone is only available for school work.  I'm proud of myself, anytime she asks for something, I SAY NO!  This means I'm grounded too, but if it means she gets to go back to public school as a Jr and not a repeating Sophomore, I'm good.  I've already told her that if she doesn't pass she's going to the alternative school.  Since January, she's only completed 1/2 of her first semester.  She has until the end of June to finish her 1st and 2nd semester.  Lord help us.

I was once a teen and I did some really stupid shit, but failing out of school was NEVER an option.  One of my favorite conversations with her she said, "Mom!  I'm scared of you!"  FINALLY!  She finally fears my wrath!  

Welcome To My World

 Caution: This blog is going to be sporadic and all over the place just like me.  I have ADHD, multiple sclerosis, and missing part of my brain; yes, I said that, missing part of my brain. I get to say for the rest of my life that I am brainless.  Long story, very long story, short.  Married my Prince, had a daughter, He passes away, I get sick, remarry to a narcissist, get divorced, go on disability retirement, then realized just how much fucked up our lives.

I love to write, it's always been one of my passions and hobbies. I believe if I put it on paper (or digital paper) it's out of my head and not repeating in my head over and over again.  I wrote a blog during my husband's long fight before his death then picked it back up during my struggle.  It was such good therapy.  If you're bored and have nothing to do, it's https://2lungsandafamily.blogspot.com. This made life so much easier too, I only had to write (text) or say the goings on of our lives a couple of times.  I just wrote and posted.

I'm struggling, which many of us are.  I hope you find solace in the way you relate to my life and the positive, definitely comedic life I live.

We are not given a good life or a bad life.  We are given a life.  It is up to us to make it good or bad.

- Ward Foly

The Tragic Ending before the New Begininning

I always knew I would become a Widow.  From the moment I understood his illness.  You see, we were rare. We were a honest to God, love at first sight, match made in heaven.  There were so many leading factors up to the night we met, that there would be no way in hell we wouldn't meet.  I learned of his illness the next day.  I had never heard of Cystic Fibrosis so I researched and researched to find out as to why it was such a big deal for me to know.  A week later I recall standing from my computer, turning to face my bed, then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Even knocking the breath out of me.  I already loved him and then and there I knew, he'd be my "Happily Ever After."
We had one amazing love story.  One with extreme highs and extreme lows.  But poo poo on those who attempted to break us up.  You made us stronger.  You made us a couple most were envious of because nothing was going to bring us down.  We were just going to love harder and show it off even more.  We both LOVED our love story and never took it for granted.  In the 15 years we were together we lived in 3 different cities, had 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 birds (a hamster and a fish), 2 homes and one amazingly beautiful child together.  For 14 of these years we lived, actually lived, making memory after memory so that neither myself nor our child would ever forget him.  His last year, the 15th year, he fought so hard to stay with us.  I was by his side, living in the hospitals with him.  Continuing to make beautiful memories.  The last day he never woke up cognitively.  He was a DNR and I had to make that horribly tough decision to not put him on any life saving machine.  Through out the day I would on and off lay with him, holding his hand, as family came in and out of the room.  Our sweet daughter fell asleep next to him.  I was hit again, with that oh so familiar feeling of knowledge, even knocking the breath out of me, to remove her from his side.  So he would not pass with her next to him.  I immediately crawled in his bed to hold him and fall asleep next to him, one last time.  Moments after I was next to him, I heard and felt his last breath.  Even before I heard the monotone sound of the heart machine flat lining, I knew and cried out his name.  My Baby had finally let go and went on to a much better place, his rightful place in Heaven.  The months following were more difficult than I could have ever ever imagined.  I don't care that I knew.  There is no way in hell to prepare oneself to lose their best friend, their partner in crime, their lover, their baby daddy, their happily ever after.